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Today, the keyboard is the most underappreciated peripheral on a computer. And it's even more unappreciated on a cell phone. The fact of the matter is that the device, which originated on the typewriter in the 1860s, has served Western Civilization better than any other device ever invented. However, it is never (and I mean never) even cited as an important invention in any century. Truth is, we'd be doomed without the keyboard.

The keyboard and the computer are two of the best things that have ever happened to many of us. Curiously, the computer has gone from a slow clunker to a super-fast device that can almost fit in a pocket, while the keyboard has languished since the very early days of computing. Once we left the teletype for an actual keyboard, the device seems to have been frozen in some sort of time warp.

I've always been baffled by this. I assume it's because we're still hopeful that we'll soon be able to talk to our computers, or that they'll be able to recognize our handwriting. Meanwhile, the keyboard is left to languish in its Model A form: old, trusty, and reliable, but a clunker nonetheless.

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Take the Caps Lock key (please!). I sustained an entire column bemoaning this stupid key in PC Computing some years back. I've run into one person in my life that actually uses this key for something that is necessary. The key is arcane and in the way.

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This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our complaints about our general-purpose IBM 101 keyboard, as well as the variants, such as the Apple keyboard, with its cloverleaf key. What about the Scroll Lock key? What is this for? And I must ask you, when is the last time you ever used F6? The so-called function keys are hardly ever utilized—not in a way that makes sense or is consistent. Perhaps the exception is F1, which almost always works as a 'help' key. So, this begs the question: Why isn't the key simply renamed the Help Key?

And what about keyboards with Function keys that extend to F10 while others go to F12?

I could go on and on about the idiosyncrasies of dead keys—and I have. Others have too.

Lately, when someone decides to take a whack at redesigning the keyboard, it's all about creating some wacky ergonomic design. From what I can tell, the designs that have shown up in recent years have done one thing: they've gone a long way to end Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in the office. I think they accomplished this by acting as a threat to slackers who never really had Carpal Tunnel. 'We will force you to use this horrid keyboard if you persist with your Carpel Tunnel complaints, capiche?' You laugh, but have you noticed how the plague of Carpel Tunnel ended overnight despite the relative deterioration of the desktop keyboard?

Of course, one of the problems with changing the keyboard would be all the complaints from the maniacs that have remapped their keyboards or from people who like the keyboard the way it is despite the fact that it sucks.

Years ago, Northgate Computers redesigned the keyboard, so it would be more practical. This involved ditching the Caps Lock key and moving keys, such as the asterisk, into a more prominent position. The keyboard sold like crazy. When the company went out of business, however, everyone forgot about the keyboard they had loved so much.

There are some vendors who seem to have fun with their keyboards. Some light up. Some make noise. The DAS Keyboard, for example, is loved by users for its click-clack mechanical feel. At the other end of the extreme is the Virtually Indestructible Keyboard, a mushy, bendable, and washable keyboard.

Thing is, these are all still the same IBM 101-style keyboards we've had forever. They've got the same useless keys, including the aforementioned Caps Lock key by the A key, the Scroll Lock key, and Pause key. This last one is just plain laughable: Hit the Pause key on your keyboard and see what happens. Nothing!

The only people that are actually improving the keyboard are the phone makers. They have no qualms about moving oft-used keys into good positions for thumb typing. Thank you! Why can't computer makers do this?

Microsoft keeps fooling around with keyboards in order to make them more Windows friendly, and its efforts are admirable. The problem is it still leaves in the useless keys—and just adds more keys. We do not need more keys. We need better keys. This is typical of the company. The company is obviously afraid that the minute it swaps out the Pause key for, say, a shutdown key, someone will dream up the most important program in the world that utilizes—you guessed it—the pause key. Then everyone will be on Microsoft's back for this major faux pas. Get a grip guys. It'll never happen. Lead the way to a new layout!

More John C. Dvorak:
• The EU and the Internet Go to War
• The Baffling Specter of Windows 7
• Millennials Love Smartphones, But I'm Not Sure Why
• Twitter and Facebook Are Publishers, Not Platforms
• 'Freedom' Lovers Need to Leave Google Alone
• more

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